Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
