so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
