I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
