I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm having to shit out rocks
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