Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
