Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
do nipples grow back?
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