I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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