Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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