I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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