quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
