I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
