Who did Billy Mays play for?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
