it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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