I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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