your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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