My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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