Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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