I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
