I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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