420 ftw
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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