dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
