If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We left an ass print on the piano.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
