i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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