So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Come on in and take your pants off
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