I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
