woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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