**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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