had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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