question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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