Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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