I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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