I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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