Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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