White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
