You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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