All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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