I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
