last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
