Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
