So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
