My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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