It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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