i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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