I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
