I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
