you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
