Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
