You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
