I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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