I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
