Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
